hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
