Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
