Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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