he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
