Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Your dad touched me again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
