Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
