What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
