i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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