The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
