Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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