Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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