saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
