well I can't set my house on fire every night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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