I look better un-naked...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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