i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
