he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
