His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
