My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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