i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
