whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
