sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
