Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
