i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
