Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
