Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
