evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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