It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
