AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
