Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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