My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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