I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
