I bet he comes in French.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
