You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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