soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
