if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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