she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
