We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
