omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
