you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
