i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
