Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
