forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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