i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
