4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
