4 words: hood of his car
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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