I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
