woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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