I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
