Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
