I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
