It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
