You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
