Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
