He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
